Jesus Visions

First Christmas in Heaven: Words for a Family Missing Someone

A small clay oil lamp burning on the stone wall at dusk, a sprig of rosemary beside it.

The first Christmas after someone dies can feel strange. The songs are the same, the lights go up on the same street, and there is one chair too many at the table. Many families say the hardest part is not knowing whether to talk about the person or to stay quiet.

There is no right way to do this. Here are a few small things other families have found helpful, and a short reading you can use when you are together.

Small ways to keep them close

  • Say their name at the table. Before the meal, let someone say, "We are missing ______ today." It gives everyone permission to remember out loud.
  • Light a candle for them. One candle, lit on Christmas Eve and set where everyone can see it.
  • Hang one ornament for them. Something they loved, or something that makes you think of them.
  • Share one story. Ask each person for one small memory: a laugh, a recipe, a habit they had.
  • Write them a letter. Children especially find comfort in writing to someone they miss.

A short reading for the family table

Tonight we remember ______.
We remember their laugh, their hands, the way they filled this room.
We are sad because we loved them, and love does not end when a life does.
We thank God for the years we had together,
and we trust them to the one who was born in Bethlehem on this night.
Amen.

And a verse many families read at this time of year:

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 5:4 (KJV)

If this season feels too heavy

Grief can be hardest at the holidays. If the sadness feels too heavy to carry, tell someone you trust, or talk with your doctor or your pastor. In the United States you can also call or text 988 at any hour to talk with someone.

A film for someone you miss

Seen from behind, Jesus walks with his arm around an old woman along a hillside path under a silver sky.
Jesus walks with his arm around an old woman along a hillside path.

Some families ask us for a film where Jesus says their loved one's name. Our Reunited film speaks of them by name, and ends on their photo. You can also send a prayer in their memory, or see all our memorial gifts for a loved one in heaven.